International Ghost Society

Best Bad Poetry Competition

In honour of famed Scottish poet William McGonagall, the International Ghost Society ran a Best Bad Poetry Competition.

We put up a £100 bounty for the most artfully terrible poem we could find. The brief: a piece that is technically awful but nonetheless remains entertaining – cringe-inducing, awkward, rhythm-less… and yet profound.

In other words, we sought poetry so bad that you have to be kind of a genius to write it.

This competition was in honour of William McGonagall – a man thought to be the worst poet in history. The shortlist and winners were announced at an event at the Beehive Inn in Edinburgh on the 20th April 2025, during which we also explored McGonagall’s life and legacy, and heard professional readings of his greatest (IE most terrible) works.

The Shortlist

From a total of approximately 260 entries, we selected seven terrible poems for the shortlist. They were:

  • “The Penny” by Matt Hulse
  • “The Cat Sat on the Mat” by Dameon Rayner
  • “The 2025 BKT Tyres World Men’s Championship of Curling” by Marty Sinclair
  • “I Wanted To Write Haikus” by Alexander Ramsay
  • “Baker Street Yard Sale” by Kevin Judge
  • “Bags. After McGonagall” by Arran Potts
  • “McGonagall’s Hokey Cokey” by Tracy Davidson

And selected three honourable mentions:

  • “Proper Preparation Prevents Provoking Pitfalls When Bike Packing” by Justin Sales
  • “People Living in 1809” by David Brown
  • “Oh Little Town O’ Edinburgh” by Mark Squires

Every single shortlisted and mentioned poem thoroughly deserved the un-appreciation certificate and can of peas their authors received. Picking a winner for the £100 grand prize, though, was a difficult task.

In the end, for it’s McGonagall-esque factuality, confident use of unrhyme, and ear-assaulting repetition, we selected “The 2025 BKT Tyres World Men’s Championship of Curling” by Marty Sinclair as the winner.

The Winning Poem

The 2025 BKT Tyres World Men’s Championship of Curling

From the twenty-ninth of March to the sixth of April,
Thirteen teams took part in a battle of will;
Round robin-style, was how it would end up unfurling,
At the 2025 BKT Tyres World Men’s Championship of Curling.

Moose Jaw, which, it turns out, is a city,
In Canada, was what the World Curling Committee
Decided, wisely, would be the best one to play host,
And so the world’s eyes turned to it, engrossed.

Europe and the Pan Continent were both well represented,
With last year’s qualifier winners entirely cemented.
Bravely, in teams of four, plus one alternate, they curled,
At the BKT Tyres 2025 Men’s Curling Championship of the World.

The battlefield was a rectangle of blue,
Just a touch darker than a bang-on medium hue,
Four narrow alleys of white were the trenches,
While spectators cheered for blood from their red benches.

There were murmurs of concerns, both sportsmanly and political:
Accusations of cheating, of which we can all be openly critical!
Who’d have thought that ice could bear such fires?!
At the 2025 World Men’s Curling Championship, sponsored by BKT Tyres.

A close call, early on, between Czech Republic and South Korea,
Not so for Canada: their Captain Jacobs proved quite the panacea.
In Draw Twelve, Sweden gave America a hammering,
While, five hours later, Italy left Austria stammering.

But it was our bonny Scottish boys who lifted the cup:
“In your face, Switzerland!” the chant rose up.
The arena started exploding; what a time to be alive!
At the BKT Tyres World Men’s Curling Championship of 2025.

Let their names ring eternal now, in sporting glory:
Bobby Lammie, Hammy McMillan Junior, Kyle Waddell, and Grant Hardie,
And leading this triumphant troupe was Bruce Mouat the skip;
Winners, all, of the BKT Tyres 2025 World Men’s Curling Championship.

About the Winner

Marty Sinclair is a writer and freelance editor from Glasgow. He mostly writes short stories but is now working on his first novel. He has lived and worked abroad, teaching English Language and Literature, and looks forward to resuming that life once his long-term physical illness is dealt with.

During his brief victory interview Marty confided that he didn’t, in fact, enjoy curling all that much, making his superb verse on the 2025 Men’s Curling Championship all the more impressive.

Conclusion

We offer our heartfelt thanks to everyone who entered our first Best Bad Poetry Competition, and our hearty congratulations to everyone who placed. We hope to run another competition of this sort next year!